I disagree with Jordan Peterson about a lot of things. I believe that privilege is a real thing that impacts all of us, I believe that everyone should respect transgender and non-binary people’s gender identity and pronouns, I believe that the majority of differences between men and women are the result of how we are socialized, and my politics are overall, pretty left-leaning.
However, I have to admit, I really liked this book.
“Maybe you are a loser. And maybe you’re not—but if you are, you don’t have to continue in that mode. Maybe you just have a bad habit. Maybe you’re even just a collection of bad habits. Nonetheless, even if you came by your poor posture honestly—even if you were unpopular or bullied at home or in grade school—it’s not necessarily appropriate now.”
I like the tough-love self-help tone that he has – it’s not woo-woo or spiritual, it’s concrete and has a healthy dose of acknowledging the negative – “Maybe you are a loser.”
“People, including yourself, will start to assume that you are competent and able (or at least they will not immediately conclude the reverse). Emboldened by the positive responses you are now receiving, you will begin to be less anxious.”
In other words, if you are not feeling confident, fake it till you make it.
“How could the nature of man ever reach its full potential without challenge and danger?”
I like the way he approaches dealing with obstacles – that they are a part of making us stronger, that children cannot be sheltered from them. I agree with that – the way for a person to become smart and strong is not to never approach a problem, but to approach problems frequently and learn to solve them.
“Question for parents: do you want to make your children safe, or strong?”
Rule 2 is “Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping.” and I think that point is really important – so often, taking care of our health is not a skill gap, but a will gap. Most people know that they should eat healthy and exercise, and go to the doctor if they are ill. However, it’s often hard for people to actually do that. Some of that is a gap of access, for sure – healthy food is often inaccessible, exercise can feel daunting if you’re out of shape or don’t fit in, healthcare is expensive and can feel uncomfortable and unwelcoming.
But the piece of it that is rooted in a will gap – why? Why wouldn’t everyone take care of themselves?
“Dogs are predators. So are cats. They kill things and eat them. It’s not pretty. But we’ll take them as pets and care for them, and give them their medication when they’re sick, regardless. Why? They’re predators, but it’s just their nature. They do not bear responsibility for it. They’re hungry, not evil.”
Peterson argues that people often do not take care of themselves because they do not feel that they are worth helping – that they are not good enough or worthy of care.
“If we wish to take care of ourselves properly, we would have to respect ourselves—but we don’t, because we are—not least in our own eyes—fallen creatures.”
What would your life look like if you fully believed that you were a person who was worth taking good care of?
“The first step, perhaps, is to take stock. Who are you? When you buy a house and prepare to live in it, you hire an inspector to list all its faults—as it is, in reality, now, not as you wish it could be. You’ll even pay him for the bad news. You need to know. You need to discover the home’s hidden flaws. You need to know whether they are cosmetic imperfections or structural inadequacies. You need to know because you can’t fix something if you don’t know it’s broken—and you’re broken. You need an inspector. The internal critic—it could play that role, if you could get it on track; if you and it could cooperate.”
I like this approach to improving oneself – acknowledging one’s flaws, and then taking concrete action to improve one’s flaws.
“You might ask yourself, “What could I say to someone else—my friend, my brother, my boss, my assistant—that would set things a bit more right between us tomorrow? What bit of chaos might I eradicate at home, on my desk, in my kitchen, tonight, so that the stage could be set for a better play? What snakes might I banish from my closet—and my mind?” Five hundred small decisions, five hundred tiny actions, compose your day, today, and every day. Could you aim one or two of these at a better result? Better, in your own private opinion, by your own individual standards? Could you compare your specific personal tomorrow with your specific personal yesterday?”
Did I spend thirty minutes, in all, scrolling through Facebook on my phone yesterday? Scrolling through Facebook on my phone is not a great use of my time – it’s not yielding any kind of tangible improvement in my life. Perhaps my life would be a tiny bit better today if I cut my Facebook scrolling down to ten minutes and spent 20 minutes reading a book or calling a friend – something that would make my life a little bit better.
“And, with each day, your baseline of comparison gets a little higher, and that’s magic. That’s compound interest. Do that for three years, and your life will be entirely different. Now you’re aiming for something higher.”
This is essentially the same as the principle of 1% – if you make a tiny step to be 1% better every day, and you keep that up consistently, you will get results in the direction you’re aiming for.